Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
