roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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