we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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