i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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