Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
