dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
