i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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