no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
