I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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