You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My cat gives me a boner
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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