They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
