I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize