he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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