This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
