his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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