So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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