Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
