Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
