My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
