Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
