Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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