I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
