He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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