Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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