I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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