grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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