and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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