I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
