Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The uberlube is also flammable
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
