We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
