we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
