the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
