Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
