I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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