My friends, they love my intelligence
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
