So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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