So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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