My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize