I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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