I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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