I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
