Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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