Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
