She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
