we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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