I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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