you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
