my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
