I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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