drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
