i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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