is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
false alarm. still invincible.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
