I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
