Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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