Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize