saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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