I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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