i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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