If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
