my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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