Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
