the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
