I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
