She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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