omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
