I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think your dad took our porno
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
