i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
