Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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