My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
