i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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