I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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